Self-Care:A Framework
Imagine this: You’re on the path to creating the life you always planned for yourself. You’re checking off goals, maybe moving toward or already working your dream job, and even achieving the material things you once hoped for. From the outside, it looks like everything’s falling into place. But on the inside? You’re tired. Unmotivated. Drained in a way that can’t seem to be resolved. BUT! You also intuitively know that you are capable of feeling energized, motivated, and aligned.
So where do you start? At the beginning! Lets explore the essential framework for cultivating meaningful self-care that can replenish and restore your energy.
Your Tank: Understanding Your Energy Reservoir
I love the metaphor that each of us has a tank—your personal energy reservoir. In my view, the structure of this tank is built from the foundational needs in Maslow’s Hierarchy, while the contents are filled by our daily needs and experiences. To keep our energy levels up, we need both a solid, sturdy tank and regular replenishment.
Tank foundations
Let’s start by looking at Maslow’s Hierarchy of Motivation (Maslow, 1943). This theory suggests that human motivation follows a progression through five levels. Our most basic needs form the base of the pyramid, while higher-level ones sit at the top:
Physiological needs – The essentials for survival: food, water, air, and sleep.
Safety & Security – Physical and psychological safety, stable employment, health, and access to resources.
Love and Belonging – Deep, meaningful connections with others and a sense of community.
Esteem needs – Confidence, self-respect, recognition, and feeling valued by others.
Self-actualization – The drive to realize our full potential and pursue personal growth.
According to Maslow, we must first meet the needs at the lower levels before we can fully focus on the higher ones. For instance, someone who is chronically hungry will naturally focus on finding food, rather than on building relationships or achieving personal growth. That said, this progression isn’t always linear or fixed. You might typically operate in the higher levels of the hierarchy, but a sudden illness, car accident, or the loss of a loved one can pull your focus back down to those foundational needs.
The two lower levels—physiological needs and safety—represent the foundation and walls of the tank. Fulfilling these needs creates the tank structure. The upper levels reinforce and fortify the tank, so fulfilling these will support a strong and robust tank that will enable high energy levels.
Filling the tank
Each day, we need to actively fill our tank with the essentials:
Sleep – What are your unique sleep needs? Most of us need at least 7–9 hours of quality sleep. How’s your sleep hygiene?
Nutritious Food – Not just anything that fills you up, but food that is rich in nutrients, meets your macro and micronutrient needs, and brings you enjoyment.
Water – Aim for the optimal amount for your body weight (roughly 0.5 oz per pound of body weight).
Exercise – Movement of any kind—this doesn’t need to be intense, just consistent and enjoyable.
Connection – Genuine and deep connection with yourself, with others (including your pets!), and with nature.
Joy – What sparks joy for you? Include it daily, even in small ways.
When all of these needs are being met, your tank stays full—meaning you easily tap into energy, clarity, emotional regulation, and resilience. But if these needs go neglected, the tank runs dry. That’s when we start feeling irritable, reactive, and overwhelmed. We take things personally and struggle to manage stress. Over time, this can lead to burnout.
But what if the tank itself is compromised? Maybe you find yourself stuck in relationships that leave you feeling small or undervalued, you’re grieving a major loss, or you're managing a chronic illness. These kinds of stressors impact the foundational levels of Maslow’s Hierarchy—and they can create cracks in your tank. Even positive life changes can be unexpectedly draining: the birth of a child, starting a new job, or graduating from college. While exciting, these transitions still demand a lot of emotional energy and adjustment, and can weaken your tank if you're not mindful. Even if you’re doing all the right things to refill your tank daily, those cracks and weaknesses in the tank can cause it to drain. Over time, it becomes harder and harder to stay full.
In therapy, one of our goals is to assess how full and how strong your tank is. While this is something you can explore on your own, therapy offers a genuine, safe connection—one of our basic daily needs—and an outside perspective that can guide you to insight that you may not arrive at your own. Together, we identify what drains you, what fills you, what cracks in your tank may exist, and how to repair and strengthen the tank itself—taking you from surviving to thriving. If you are curious what this work would look like, use the link below to schedule your free 20-minute consultation with me!
References:
Maslow, A. H. (1943). A theory of human motivation. Psychological Review, 50(4), 370–396. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0054346
